Excuse Me While I Have A Mommy Moment!

Okay, if you have been reading my posts you know I just got back from a wonderful road trip. Well while I was gone, my oldest...my oldest baby grew up in the blink of an eye.

Alright...in all honesty...before I left he had already hit 6 feet and at 15 I knew it was just a matter of time and yet it hit me like a brick wall.

It wasn't the impending driver's license that set me over the edge and made me ask questions like a maniac and put pictures back in my head of a 3 year old Ben working on his tractor in our drive way. Before I left he purchased a huge Ford dually truck (or however you say that). I was okay with it because he didn't have a driver's license yet and I had time to adjust and it was something that had a motor and Ben has been buying and working on things with motors since he was 5. NO, while I was gone he even got his temps. The funny thing is I never had to study with him for this test, I never had to spend hours reviewing information. Schools could learn a lot about students and what they are capable of if they could dangle a carrot like a...driver's license to each student. It's amazing that a kid that can struggle so much with reading and writing and let's be honest...has the attention span of a flea...can buckle down and do whatever it takes to get those temps. Wow, I would love to bottle up that attention span and drive for final exams in Biology and World Studies...but unfortunately that's not really possible.

No the part that put me over the edge, made me flashback to his childhood, made me sound like a babbling fool was when he announced he had a girl friend. I know he's growing up but...REALLY....a girl friend. It's amazing how news like that made me look at him differently. Yeah...I saw all the signs...girls smiling and saying "Hi" to him when we walked through the high school, girls checking him out when we were on vacation in Florida, Danielle telling me about girls that thought he was really nice. He even hinted about different girls but now he was telling us and others. SIGH...but I'm MOM and he's still the little baby I remember putting to bed at night with his favorite stuffed dog and the toddler that smashed all our remote controls, the little boy that at 3 was using power tools to take apart and rebuild things in our basement, the hyper little boy who never seemed to sit still and would ask if we wanted to use bar soap or liquid soap when he said something he wasn't supposed to, the little boy that would call my name so I could see that he was doing something wrong, the boy that I worked with in and out of school to make school work for him and the boy who introduced me to homeschooling when it became too much, the teenager that amazed me with his extensive vocabulary and a "sense of humor" that never failed to cheer me up, the teenager that called me "idiot" so many times I thought it was the replacement for Mom. This is a boy I have laughed with, cried with, struggled with, screamed at, cheered for, prayed for and celebrated each and every accomplishment, acknowledged the struggle and focused on the strengths.

In the midst of our struggles with school and trying to work two NACD programs, I came across a bracelet maker that helped me make a charm type bracelet for each of my children. I love these bracelets and tend to wear the one of the child I am concentrating/praying for at that time. Ben's bracelet has a heart shaped lock charm with a heart shaped key (because as my first child...Ben held the key to my heart), the next charm says "Create" (Ben is one of the most creative kids I have ever met, he's a thinker and can figure out how to work through most situations along with how to build or invent whatever he needs), the next charm is a book (Ben's dyslexia has caused him to struggle with both reading and writing and it is a part of his unique personality), the next charm is a crown (because he was and is my little prince), the next charm says "Perseverance" (this word exemplifies Ben's being), the next charm is a tractor (because of Ben's fascination with anything that has a motor) and the last charm says "Work" (Ben has always had a very strong work ethic, which leads me to a cute Ben story.

When Ben was in Kindergarten and through about 3rd grade he would tell his teachers at the end of the school year that he appreciated what they had taught him but he wouldn't be coming back because he was going to start working at J&H. This happened for 3 years in a row. In 4th grade Ben was home schooled through NACD and then returned to school in 5th grade and we continue to use his job at J&H as a motivating factor to get him through school. How many kids do you know that you tell them if they don't get their school work done they can't go to work and it actually matters???

All these memories came flooding back to me as Ben smiled and told me his girlfriend's name was Courtney. I had to ask him twice "What is her name?" I began a tirade of dating questions, enough of them to make Danielle tell me to "Chill, you're going a little crazy Mom." And yeah....I did feel a little crazy and a lot of other things...bewildered, cautious, excited, scared...I began to wonder would this girl get Ben to go to a homecoming dance??? Is she cute...NO...is she nice??? Oh...my head hurts but I take a deep breath, I look at the wonderful young man sitting in front of me and I put on my best smile and tell him if he ever wants to talk...I'll listen. He laughs at me and says "Sure Mom, I'll be sure to jump right on that"....and a part of me...desperately hopes that he will!