Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Life is Turning Around...Thankfully!
Sam has had two good nights...Hallelujah! I have had some sleep and feel slightly human again. Last night was Sam's oxygen study. We used a special pulse ox to monitor his oxygen while he slept. The read out from the pulse ox will be looked at by his pulmonologist and hopefully...yes hopefully...we can remove the need for oxygen. Sam would be thrilled to never wear an oxygen cannula or pulse ox on his toe again. Which led me to a moment of reflection...to my fellow moms with children that are more medically involved, more so than Sam, I pray for you each night to be given the strength, peace of mind and ability to go from day to day. I know we call you the supermom's and you are...your dedication to your child is at a degree most people will never ever experience.
Even with Sam's multiple issues I would often chuckle or sometimes get aggravated with a parent that would be complaining about how their child didn't make the varsity team or wasn't on the honor roll or may not go to college or how it is not fair that their child couldn't...followed by something that seemed so trivial to me in the grand scheme of life. Really, honestly....if that were my biggest worry, I would have it made. But as I reflect today I realize we are all on a continuum and the experiences in our lives, our attitudes and our gumption determines where we fall on that continuum and how we deal with it. If your life has had few challenges, something like I mentioned above could seem to be devastating but if your life has presented you with challenges your reality of what is difficult has been forever expanded and changed. I have to remember that when Sam entered my life I like the parents I mentioned above was devastated, it wasn't fair...how could this be??? But as Sam and I have travelled on the path less taken I have opened myself up to learning new things, experiencing different and either rising or not to the challenge, but always, always learning and feeling. These past few days make me again appreciate the blessings that I have with Sam, hip surgery is difficult but at least his hip could be worked on and hopefully improved, having Sam on oxygen was tough but at least he can come off of it, total care for Sam is challenging but this is only for 6 to 8 weeks...do you see what I mean??? In all of this...I need only look at Sam. His smile is back, his personality is returning and I thank God for the blessing that is simply Sam. The fact that God entrusted me with him and that God continues to guide me on this journey. I have often wished I knew God's plan for Sam and if I am being totally honest I have often questioned if there really was a plan??? But with each challenge I have learned so much and I have had the opportunity to meet more amazing people and families and share Sam with them.
A while back my sister-in-law provided hospice for her Mom. She described the experience as one of the most fulfilling things she has ever done. Hmmm...not the picture that came to mind when I think of hospice care. She didn't focus on the day to day challenges but instead she focused on the lessons and life changing experience that comes with spending time with someone who's time is limited. My last couple of posts describe the challenges of major surgery and I want people to know that a situation like this is "no walk in the park" and I'm not going to sugar coat it....but like Martha, each day I feel privileged to spend this time with Sam, to help him, to take care of him and to never ever forget to enjoy him. What challenges us...build us. Sam is just adding some more mortar and bricks.
Today, the challenges are still there but Sam and I are going to focus on enjoying our time together, more focus on the us and less on the process. Breathe...Life is Great!!!!