Praying for Patience Again!!!

I have often said that my children are desperately trying to teach me to slow down and to be patient and yet I still find myself in situations where I am fervently praying for additional patience. Tonight as I work with Ben on his preparation for final exams...I'm praying. We are currently working on Biology with Communications and World Studies looming in the background.

I think about how other parents are already in bed not even aware that final exams are coming up because their children don't require their help. I think about how easy school was for me the first time around and how much I am not enjoying it a second time. I wonder if Ben's teachers have any idea just how hard Ben works to get the grades he gets. Sigh...it doesn't seem fair, it doesn't seem right and yet I know this is the way it has to be. I wouldn't change anything about Ben...his determination is what gets us through when my own determination has long ago decided it's past my bedtime and I'm feeling done, our joking around about Dyslexic moments and laughing at what Dragon Naturally Speaking mis-writes from his dictation is what keeps us sane. Knowing when to push Ben to work beyond what he feels he is capable of and knowing when we are at a point of sheer frustration is a difficult tight rope to walk. Letting him vent to relieve the frustration but trying to keep him positive enough to go on and not taking any of those vents personally (although some are directed right at me) is a challenge I wouldn't wish on anyone. But the moments I live for is the soft "Thank you, Mom" almost whispered as I head back up stairs after a long night, watching Ben hop and skip across the room when he is at the verge of completing an assignment he thought was impossible for him, seeing the pride on Ben's face when he comes home to announce the grade on his exam, even if it is just a half a grade higher than he expected.

It is midnight and Ben and I have just finished the beginning preparation for his exams. I wish I could say that tomorrow night and the night after that will not be more of the same...but it will. Tonight was a good night, the yelling was at a minimum, we both kept our spirits up, Ben's focus although fluctuating at times allowed him to complete 4 chapters of dictation. Whew...this is not the school journey I imagined but I know Ben will be a wonderful, hard working, creative, industrious, problem solving, productive adult because the challenges of his education, the requirement to so often burn the midnight oil, the perseverance and "get it done" attitude he has had to have will only help to form the amazing adult he will become.

Good night Ben, I am more proud of you than words could ever convey.